Want

“Touch has a memory.” ~John Keats

... her voice ...

But it was more than that

Theatrical distances

Bronze shadows heaped on high horizons

Velvet atmospheres

Shine - ardent beauty

Your drowned face Always staring Towards the sun

Flush - arcane fire

In her mind A desireFor kindness

So it is me who walks with you

In the maze of enclasping flow

Heat and sound

Your life is spiraling down

Showing me the mirrors of your own

You're the one

... I'm blinded by the light ...

harking at the clament dirge of winds

And the waves have now a redder tone

I loose myself And converge

Her and the element

~ Dark Sun

Another Day ... another verr

"I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons

I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason

I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices,

They're one in the same, I must isolate you

Isolate and save you from yourself"

~A Perfect Circle

That one small weakness

"Little angel go away

Come again some other day

Devil has my ear today

I'll never hear a word you say

He promised I would find a little solace

And some piece of mind

Whatever just as long as I don't feel so...

Desperate and Ravenous

I'm so weak and powerless over you... "

~A Perfect Circle

She

I will love you. And you will have no say in the matter.

You will be sitting reading.

I will step through the wall and take you by the ears.

Gold Latin will come out of your mouth.

Years will pass. We will be old.

I will have loved you, against my nature,

no other being worthy, thrown as I am on my own powers, alone there.

And as we sit together reading you will say "Did you really love me?"

And I will be terrified.
Stan Rice

Fuzzy Logic

Our life is like a land journey:

too even and easy and dull over long distances across the plains,

too hard and painful up the steep grades;

but on the summits of the mountain,

you have a magnificent view

- and feel exalted

- and your eyes are full of happy tears

-and you want to sing

- and you wish you had wings!

And then - you can't stay there,

but you must continue your journey

- you begin climbing down the other side,

so busy with your footholds

that your summit experience is forgotten.

~Lloyd Douglas

That Way

Apollonian Veil

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light,

and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness.

Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.

~Mahatma Gandhi

Return from The Damned

Daimona

Nulla poena sine lege

The Enlightened Ones

The Lightning Riders

From Santi’s earthly tomb with demon’s hole,
‘Cross Rome the mystic elements unfold.
The path of light is laid, the sacred test,
Let angels guide thee on thy lofty quest.

~ Milton

Those Eyes

I am home though a part of me is missing
that part of me that could stand
the dismal selfishness of contrite beings
It is like nails along a chalkboard now
Whatever it takes to make it cease
I shall without thought
do it
The silence is indeed golden
The solitude precious
I am not the same
nor will I ever be
Do you not see my precious
how much more
I grow like you
In the end
you will hate me
for all that you hate of yourself
and then I will simply smile again
For it will be passion
the same passion that has been like talons on a chalkboard
screeching deafening piercingly fierce
as fierce as that which I have felt
when I am within your veins
It is my blood that makes your pulse
~hers 2006

more to come ...

Tell Tale Heart

I see thee yet, in form as palpable
As this which now I draw.
Thou marshall'st me the way that I was going;
And such an instrument I was to use.
Mine eyes are made the fools o' the other senses,
Or else worth all the rest; I see thee still,
And on thy blade and dudgeon gouts of blood,
Which was not so before.
There's no such thing:

MacBeth Act2 Scene 2

More to come ...

Within

I'd been within Mez Reves too long. Many had come to the margins time and again to convince me to return. I could hear their voices far in the distance like the soft buzz of a bee hive swollen with life though their drone was ignored. I was not finished. The boy still needed me. He would not return and what kind of Tuchuk would I be to leave him in chasms of desolation. Could anyone not understand?

Aunt was the only one to offer encouragement. Her voice like a song soothing the searing pains that must be endured to reach the boy's psyche, "Just a little further. Just a little bit further, my pretty."

Looking down into

Midway

on our life's journey,

I found myself

In dark woods,

the right road lost.

Dante Alighieri

The Valley of Shadows

I heard the thunder of three voices

The voices of sorrow in unison

"Feel my pain!"

Silent Scream

You cover me

with the feathers

of your wings,
and under your wings

I find refuge

in you;
Your Truth

is my shield

and a defense.
Why then

am I still afraid

of the terrors

of the night?

Cold ... so Cold

I've tried so hard my dear to show

That you're my every dream

Yet you're afraid each thing I do

Is just some evil scheme

A memory from your lonesome past

Keeps us so far apart

Why can't I free your doubtful mind

And melt your cold cold heart

Another love before my time

Made your heart sad an' blue

And so my heart is paying now

For things I didn't do

Norah Jones

Tuchuk

My crown is in my heart, not on my head, Nor decked with diamonds and Indian stones, Nor to be seen: My crown is called content: A crown it is, that seldom kings enjoy.
Shakespeare, William

So when does it happen that you become what you are meant to be?

I am Tuchuk

and together We are Tuchuk

There is not one Tuchuk and two Tuchuk .. we are all Tuchuk.

We stand together as a whole with as many different parts as there are hearts. Change takes a day and another day and it take speaking and continuing to speak and those that do not listen .. do not listen but those that do become part of the voice. And when the voice speaks as one it is the roar of thunder heard across the plains deafening all.

Fair Weather Friends

Standing on the shoulders of Giants

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly,

who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement,

and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

Teddy Roosevelt

Witnessing the first Ubar's Congress I knew it was a precedence that this Tribe has never known in my lifetime. There was the beginning of one voice emerging from within the harigga and it had begun with the Ubar's himself. His love and concern for his people filled my chest with such fierce pride, there was little room for anything else.

With the Ubara at his left and his Second in Command at his right, he sat and listened to the hearts of the Tribe, finding solutions to worries, to soothe their fears and offer them chance to come together, leading them to participate in the safety and well being of one another.

To Hear and To be heard.

This Tribe and its dedication to one another began to solidify into a tangible essence.

Amid the gentle downpour of the blessing of rain ... a great people came together standing on the shoulders of giants as one voice and it was going to create a rumble across the plains that none could deny they had heard.

A grasp at humanity

A dream is something all your own to keep within your heart
To build on when you're glad or when your world's been torn apart
A dream is something all your own that no one else can steal
A dream is something you can make come real

Now you can share a laugh with any stranger on the street
And you can share your money with a beggar on the street
But you can only share your dream when love has set it free
So please, won't you share yours with me?

May all your dreams bloom like daisies in the sun
May you always have stars in your eyes
May you not stop running on until your race is won
May you always have blue skies

Tarra was leaving just as I arrived at the fires. I felt a tinge of regret that she would not be someone I could speak with this night. The taut jawed departure of Fonce with the artisan was another disappointment. The want to talk with someone of the earlier ahns faded to a quiet throughout the rest of the eve. Noya's twins captivated the fires. Cana spoke with Chabi about the gift of a kaiila. It is a memory that lasts us forever ... that first feeling of freedom .. feeling of prominence within the Tribe.

Hisself took up a stance of expectancy waiting for the sweet he knew I kept stashed somewhere. He helped me fish through the my pockets .. simply knowing he would find his reward in one of them. I liked that ... that belief that good things came to those that were willing to take them. It is what Tuchuks are made of.

Ongel was explaining to Noya that Natalia had developed an aversion to baths. Noya and I were both quick to offer intervention and plans were made to douse all of the children in soap suds the next day. We would make it fun and put the little Miss "I am in charge" in charge then wait and watch while the other children were having a raucous good time for her to want to join in. Perfect scheme. It would work and we knew it.

Cana asked if any had seen the sleen man. The affectionate term made me smile thinking of him. When I told her I hadn't seen Oggie in quite some time, she questioned the nickname I had for him. The explanation made her grow quiet but it left a reminiscence of him dancing in my thoughts.

It was easy to appease myself by soaking up a coating of the vitality of youth and all the exuberance of the boy sitting in my lap. His braid pulling, dried fruit sugar coated kisses and being precociously demanding of my time and attention until he wore himself out and fell asleep right there in my arms was welcome.

Rising from the brace of furs with the boy cradled in my arms, I asked Noya if it was alright if I stayed with her and the children that night. Mother's wagon was brimming beyond capacity and Natalia and Niyati were wriggle worms when they slept. I had enough bruises on my shins to prove it. Ongel insisted on checking those out and we laughed that all he could see of my ankles was the leather chap of my boots. I teased him that he needed to have his eyes checked if he couldn't see the black and blue marks his girls had left. He said maybe some things just blind him. I beckoned him closer inspecting them with what healer training I had, then told him quietly there was nothing wrong with his eyes ... they just needed rest.

When I lay Hisself down on his pallet beneath the stars, I curled up next to him. That peach fuzz softness of his skin brought the former part of the day back to mind. He stirred and lifted his lashes long enough to make sure I was there then smiled as he snuggled in closer. I watched him sleep for a long time before I could find my own. I wondered what dreams fluttered behind those tiny eyelids.