Those little things

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot...
...who calls you back when walk away...
...who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead...
...who wants to show you off to the world
...who holds your hand in front of his friends
...who thinks you're great just the way you are
...who is willing to say he loves you first; in person.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you
of how much he cares about you
and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends
and says, "... that's her."

Pacu had been hunting to bring home a tabuk as sort of a payment for this warrior he decked a hand or two back. Actually he had brought home two figuring it might save his hide. Might ... mind you. I'd snagged Amani to help me carry meats to the Ubar and to a friend of Yamka that needed some as well. While we walked the rows, we overtook Ayguili just coming in from patrols. The invitation to share a meal at Mother's fires came all in one breath, Oh Tal, you are just in time to help me. I need a taste tester.

His smile, rare and illusive some say, radiated now in such a genuinely warm and personal way that I couldn't help but feel it through and through. I touched his sleeve as if it created a connection no one could break and in turn He followed the movement of my hand as though he could see it too. He asked of my day and I spoke of understanding his was busy. He confirmed that it seemed all his days were busy lately but asked did I know what one thing he hated of that was? As loaded a question as that was my answer weighed well in return ... I'll always want to hear what he wishes to share with me. He had a rapt audience there next to him. It was not being able to spend time talking with me.I wanted to blink and stare at him in disbelief but I couldn't, there was only a quiet admission that I looked forward to each chance we had.

I could tell by the glance around him, he looked to see if my Grandmother were near by and perhaps ready to ambush him with her staff. I didn't tell him she is not usually like that. She definitely garners respect but I had never known her to swat at anyone with the passion and relish she had for his ear or his shin. Aunt, yes. Oren, no. I have no idea if Mother or Aunt Issu faced right of passage in this manner when Father or my Uncle became interested in someone outside the family or if Grandmother saved it all up for the warrior that was walking so bravely into the circle of our wagons next to me.

When we approached Grandmother's wagons, Mother's voice came from within her wagon. Who's there, Mezoo? Its Ayguili, Mother. I think she said all that mattered with very few words, "Ahh good". We had a willing chaperone from her quiet vantage point. It gave us a chance to get to know each other a little better. The roast tabuk I'd made was served without fanfare while we talked. He was becoming one of those friends you look forward to seeing and by just that sight created a nice feeling inside that wormed its way to a big old grin. I guess it is that small sense of comfort we find of each other that opened the night up to opening up a bit more of ourselves, to expose a bit more beneath the surface that we do not show too many others. All of the less than attractive attributes of ourselves and our families.

There had been something I had wanted him to know. I'd sort of avoided him at the fires when others were around but the rest was added in quickly so he wouldn't misunderstand. My reasons for not letting him touch my hand was not because I didn't enjoy it or that I was ashamed for anyone else to see. There was simply something I did not want him to experience beneath every one's roving eyes. The realization for me that it mattered, it mattered how he would react, how he felt was like a lightning bolt. It had been on his mind as well, this why I had seemed withdrawn from him. Once I explained, I could have sworn he was about to drag me up in his arms and hold me tight. It was my hand in his instead that he pulled to his lips and pressed kiss there. All I want to do is protect you, Mezoo. Is this wrong?

My heart leapt there in my chest and found poise on the end of my tongue. Sky, nothing .. nothing about him, nor I ... nor "us" had felt anything but right since I'd first met him. He was honest and that is something I can admire and respect. He had no idea where this was all going, if anywhere but he was willing to explore it. There he wove an image for me of reveling in what was inside my mind and in the gentleness of my heart. He wanted to know what my thoughts were on everything, not just the important things but the little things as well. There are no maps of the future was my answer while I curled his hand tighter in my own. If there were I wouldn't chance a peek, this all felt far too precious to risk. That may be strange for a Haruspex to say but it was my own honesty handed right back to him. There are many things to consider of tomorrows but ... here I gave him as much as I could of what I was certain ... I liked him. I really truly liked him. Just that bit of smile he shared with me said he sort of felt the same way.

In a much more delicate way than Grandmother had probed him of his family, he inquired a bit more about mine. Father was the oldest of Oren's two sons although Uncle Salukaii was favored because he had provided the first Grandson. I think this surprised Ayguili that I was not favored as the first Granddaughter. In my own way I am but it didn't come from birthright but because I had stood with her through wind and rain to tend the verr. I had listened to the important things she had to say. I had worked hard to earn her love and respect. It had never been given as entitlement. Ayguili made a good point when he mentioned that Grandmother must love me very much or she would not have beat him as bad as she did with her cane. It was a good time to let him know she might have just for her own amusement. She was full blooded Tuchuk remember but I did have to say that those she thinks are worth her time, she makes sure she gets their attention.

Hands are fascinating to him. They are all made the same, with the same bones, the same muscles and covered with flesh but it is what each individual does with them that makes them unique. It seemed kind of profuond when he said that. He studied our hands for a while, where they met and seemed joined as if one. While he was turning them so he could see the outline of the clasp from every angle, it dawned on me how natural it felt and how both of ours fit together like they had been made that way ... held. Suddenly, I found them fascinating too.

Inside of him is not the storm I feel that wants to take over but this quiet wind that has places to go and things to do. I stopped there because I didn't want to define him. He wondered if this was how I truly saw him. It was and more. I listened as he poured out a warrior's heart for his Tribe and how being Ubar had never been his or even his family's aspiration of him. It had always been belief that Ba'atar was destined for that role. There was so much written on his face, when he asked if I understood that when his brother returned that he would give up the grays. Most definitely I understood. It was what was right. I looked at him then and smiled. In my way of thinking there would be more time for us to talk as we were now. I didn't like him because of his rank or his title, in fact the very thought of being Ubara actually made it harder to to think of getting closer to him. It wasn't my expectation even if there were more to us than his getting tapped by a verr cane.