What do you do ... Mezoo?

I'm already there Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there
To touch you with my fingertips
So turn out the light
and close your eyes
I'm already there
Don't make a sound
I'm the beat in your heart
I'm the moonlight shining down
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there 'till the end

Lonestar

The Haruspex. We are the soothsayers, the magic makers, tricksters and weather watchers. Some have insight, some walk the dreams, but all know the mystic ways of the tribe. Like those of the healers and the torturers we know the ways of healing as well as the ways of death. We can read the blood spatter the bosk, a verr's liver. Some of our clan can be heard through out the harigga singing that for a piece of meat, they could read the winds and the grass, for a cup of wine the stars and the flight of birds, for a fat bellied dinner the liver of slave. We are fascinated with the future and its signs though we will tell you we do not put much store in such matters but in practice we give them great consideration.

Women of the Wagon Peoples are not permitted to pray; though many of them, do patronize the haruspexes. Besides foretelling the future with a greater or lesser degree of accuracy for generally reasonable fees, we can provide assemblages of amulets, talismans, trinkets, philters, potions, spell papers, wonder-working sleen teeth, powdered kailiauk horns (which is marvelous by the way), and colored magic strings that, depending on the purpose, may be knotted in various ways and worn about the neck or placed where the wind can make it dance and sway.

Each of us, among the clan, have one or more inherent talents, a variety of learned skills as well as a modicum of illusory capabilities. We do not talk much of them as a rule, not because there is any grand prevention of it all but more that sometimes it is hard to express or if all else the comfort level of someone we are explaining it all to knowing .. truly knowing and not merely guessing that the person next to you could say .. raise the dead or alter the course of matter or anti-matter. Be honest, how secure would you feel knowing the ground could open at your feet at an instant to swallow you whole or to sit with your great aunt Morba and have tea with her 50 passings after her pyre? Could we do these things? Perhaps. One never knows. That is part of our mystery. Even among ourselves there is that sense of quiet not to be boastful or maybe that we are still learning control or perfection of a craft.
I had been asked once if I would hurt a slave just to take her liver. Let me reassure those that worry over such matters, I have the skills to prevent any pain during such an action but if there is need to read her spleen, her liver or even the spew of blood from the slice of her throat to afford the Tribe's sense safety and well-being, there would be no hesitation.

My natural abilities are of far different means, however. My battlefield is the mind, deep in its recesses. My playground is time. Everyday someone asks me how my studies are coming along but it was Tarra that had asked me of my specialty, straighter to the point ... more in depth than some have sought to know ... What do you do, Mezoo? I feel the emotions of those around me. Don't mistake that as being able to read some one's mind and know their thoughts. It is not the same. She offered encouragement that one day I would be able to, but it is not something I look forward to or will pursue if there is an option. She wanted to know if I heard more or saw more or felt more? I merely feel the shadows of things people ... feel inside all the things that they scream wanting someone to hear ... like a white noise ... like the vibration of a drum when you place your hand on the side of it while it is struck. I'd begun to find a shield for being around so many people at one time, a way to lull some of the onslaught and stem the flow that inundated me at times. The aftermath of that was that it dimmed the ability to a degree when it was something that I wished to do purposefully. Cause and affect - our greatest nemesis.

It was nice to be able to speak openly of the progress I've made, to hear her give reassurance that I am not the only haruspex fledgling of history to struggle, make a mistake or falter in some of my studies and that whole ... stepping out of my training thing ... was not the end of the world catastrophe my mind had created it to be. I am a babe in the clan and I know it. I have far to go yet.

My current lessons were of walking with what was around me, through it, to be part of it all without being any disturbance to its own natural course. Only in time will my abilities be such that I can effect change in the world that I live in. I want to learn how to find a usefulness that helps the Tribe, the ones I have grown to love and care for. There was no will nor want to make that a romantic statement, I meant for everyone.

"Be yourself." Surprising how much impact those few words held. What power, What wisdom. I was quick to answer that, that was all I knew how to be. She knew better. Being a part of every ones life and working along side them and being there, that is what will guide me. Now that is very sound advice and I took it well coming from a respected elder of my clan.

I didn't know when I came to the first wagons with Tao what it was going to be like .. he said it was to be the best of the best with the best of the best. I did not know that it would mean that I cry when they cry or laugh when they laugh, or to share the joys and sorrows of the Tribe as if they were my own. She said she liked to think that we are the best that we can be and that we reach out to others to help. I like that.

I am not the same woman .. girl that first came to the fires even Mother says so. Even Tarra says so. She told me I was growing into myself and becoming comfortable with myself. See, at first it took everything Mother and Grandmother could do
to shove me this direction but now I don't like missing even a day not knowing
if Cana is ok or if Kaeli is still chained. I did not like that by the way .. respect the decisions, yes, but ... Tarra had that quiet chuckle there at the stubborn indignation that was swelling deep inside me and sort of staved it off. We may not always like what authority may do or say, but we need to respect it.

What few realized was that some of my hardest lessons was to learn when to remain silent, to hold my tongue and to know when it was time to stand and speak up and to temper a temper through it all. I had learned to take what everyone says back with me to my wagon or to the verr to think about. I weigh it against the things my parents have taught me .. against what feels right and wrong inside and if it is solid then I keep it ... if I don't understand or there is more I come ask a whole bunch more questions and the answers to those questions start it all over again. I may disagree with you today then realize that part of what you are saying makes sense and I didn't see it that way. She did tell me it was alright to disagree. Even as a prospect? Yes, she said. Oh now you know I was all straight shouldered and intense having to toss my opinion in on that ... she asked sooooo I was telling her ... I cannot change who I am to suit those around me, not if it goes against the things I value ... not even the Ubar. I was still learning that like life itself, the sky will sort it all out as long as it does not alter that we will still stand together ... the children's children and their children after them. To me that was what was most important ... the future of the Tribe itself as a whole and not the individuals that comprised it. She said I was Tuchuk. That was rather satisfying to know.

I asked her if she ever questioned how the sky takes care of things we don't understand sometimes? Her answer made me kind of chuckle to myself, Yes, there are times she questioned why the sky allows things to happen or how things are dealt with. She was a bold woman indeed then.

I had to sit back to give her next question thought before I answered, what dreams did I have for myself? Carefully she filleted away my being a haruspex, being a tribal sister to the meat of the woman beneath and even then she whittled away the gender to expose simply the human being that was sitting there with her. My dreams? My dreams of me? Somehow it became very easy to answer, I just wanted to be a good person, one that people could count on being there for them.

So the answer to what do I do? I learn everyday and I share what I learn with those that want or need. Is there some great mystery to it all beyond the fact that the mind is my battlefield and time is my playground? If there is, then perhaps one day I might share that ... perhaps I might not.