Smoke gets in your eyes

Shouldn’t it be that easy
To just be happy for awhile
Get lost in a moment
Wasting time trading smiles

Guilt. I had been unable to stop the fire, to keep it from its devastation. No one could and yet I felt the weight of it personally. I would not return until I had some how, some way made amends for having failed my family and their families and theirs.

I don't remember the part of me they carried away. I only remember the part of me that remained behind. The one that walked to the wagons where the bodies had been stacked, charred, sizzling, crumbling to ash. Taking them by the hand, one by one and walking across the razed ground to the other side. For some we spoke of the things they left undone. Some it was merely silence .. but we walked on. There were a few that shared their most precious memories .. a vision they took with them of their bare breasted mates lit by the an afternoon sun. Or a glimpse at the first moment they set eyes on their son and all the love they held still shimmering in eyes that could no longer shed tears. That moment of victory that pounded their pulse in the hearts ... the adrenaline rush after they knew .. knew they had escaped certain death. It wasn't like this .. it wasn't suppose to be like this. Enosh ... Rasce ... Orahjinn ... too many more to name .. we walked through the mists sometimes calling for those yet to be found. We walked this journey with them over and over until the spirits found their way to the sky.

Silk brought me many and for a moment I watched as she started to step into the between. Could she hear the reassurance I whispered. "Its ok, we will see to them. Return. You are needed where you are." How grateful, how relieved that she has Ash, that he held her ... there. He kept her .. from being .. here.

The face of Ongel loomed before me more times than I wished I could forget. I watched for a moment as he paused to wipe his forehead and find some sense of strength to carry on. I wanted to wipe away the crease that had begun to form on his brow ... to wipe away the sorrow that was building inside of him.

Kaeli, Huu, Daramis .. all of them. The Physicians. The healers that felt they could lend little healing to the vastness of what had happened and still they tried ... how determined ... how dedicated they were to our people to continue to bring them .. to bring them all. Hundreds. Thousands. I watched as one of them stepped over to help with the walk, unable to do more on one side, he came to help upon the other. Mother's brought their children. Men brought their mates. Sons ... Fathers ...

Ayguili carried his comrades, infants and frail elders and I reached out for a moment wanting to give him strength to carry on. Never will I forget that far away emptiness in his eyes. A moment I knew and understood we had different purposes for our lives. Different realms. He turned without ever seeing me there .. right there in front of him. It was as it should be .. there was much to do. How selfish I was for not wanting to see all the faces that were not brought to me. What joy that his most of all ... was only a shadow in the distance.

The warriors continued to fill furs to mass capacity, until the corpses began to topple and a new fur had to be lain out to hold more. Too many furs. Too many wagons. Too many ... too many.

Days with no end.

Nights without ceasing.

It was Ollie that brought the last one to me. I expected him to leave the small body on the wagons amidst the others but he didn't. He walked through the lingering smoke to bring a boy to me. There in his arms lay the Ubar of Pebbles ... The commander of the Lizards. He held First Son of Nahal. I felt my heart sink and tears try to form in a place there was no mortal coil to weep from. We walked together the distance between the scorch of the plains to the place we all seek in our lifetimes. We talked quietly.

Of honor.

Of courage.

Of love. Of all the things that are held dearest among the Tuchuk. Of all the wonders that living had to offer. I walked with him longest. I walked with him furthest. He spoke of the heights of the clouds and the beauty of the rivers and as he and the boy both began to fade into the wisps ... The Ubar's Guard reached for my hand.

My fingers began to slip within his as I felt myself letting go. He said, "You have to trust me. Remember, ...