Time

watching through windows--
you're wondering
if I'm OK
secrets stolen from deep inside
the drum beats out of time--
if you're lost... you can look--
and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--
I'll be waiting
time after time

The smaller of my two wagons was almost completely emptied. I had made it a time consumption to see the salves and medicines to the healers clan. The herbs and potions to refurbish those lost by the Haruspex clans. It had begun to echo a bit inside .. a comforting sound in its way.

When it was done I would give it back to Grandmother .. to Mother or someone who needed it. My personal wagon Sabra and her mate were using. When I did manage to make my way back to Grandmother's circle I would creep into Mother's wagon amid the slumbering waifs she was taking in.

Here was a place that families could seek their missing sons and daughters. It was such a wonderful sight to see those reunions of open arms and tears of joy. Empty places being filled with happiness.

One of the last arm loads of medicines was taken to the first fires to be dropped off when I ran into Kaeli. There is a bond between us that I would be hard pressed to put into words. You cannot fight so passionately .. together .. not to find some kindred spirit between you but that is what being Tribe is all about. With Kaeli, we had somewhere along the way connected and Iwere growing closer.

The banter was a ritual one at first. How are you .. your family? How are you doing? That is a different question altogether. One is physical, the other is psychological. Healing is the answer to both. It is slow but it is continual. It takes time.

Time is supposed to heal all wounds and it will do it when it is good and ready I'm afraid to say.

Once Seveya joined us the topic began to change not to what has been .. but what we can do. The disaster was behind us but there was still so much that needed to be done.

Now that I had made my decision not to return to the clan, I had much more time on my hands. With Kaeli's help I could tend to some of those at the back wagons, change bandages, apply salves. Charm .. the more serious into seeking more professional aid.
There are enough verr among Grandmother's herds to produce verr cream salves. It would help replace some of the binders for the balms the healer's were running out of. Seveya said once her hands were free of their own gauze mitts she would come and help.

I liked that. It gave me a sense of purpose .. a sense of tomorrow and because of that I could carry that chin held high .. it is going to be OK .. with me and spread it every where I could.

I finally broke down and cried when Seveya brought me a beautiful shawl she had made for with her own hands. I looked at the bandages on them and touched the beading. She said it was for all I had done for her when she lost her things. Did she have any idea how much it meant .. not because she was saying thank you but ... because it came at a moment I felt the most alone I have ever felt in the world. Like a tidbit of absolution for being responsible for the devastation. A margin of forgiveness for failing everyone as a Haruspex. As a salve because I was not enough woman to make a relationship work. I hugged them. I hugged them both and kept hugging them until something finally felt whole inside.

Love.

The Spirit of what we are .. Togetherness .. I knew what that last element Tarra had tried to explain to me was now.

The Heart.

Realizing none of us had eaten much since .. well since, I made a plate fo fruit for us to share. The pickings are meager for some things and all I could find was a red fruit and a larma. I told them not to let the men know we had been eating larma together .. it might disturb a few of their dreams. It just made us laugh. Wonderful healing laughter.

Kaeli thought that the men were probably too busy to have those kinds of thoughts lately and somewhere secretly I wished for them to be able to enjoy such small things as winsome thoughts. No, not necessarily of me or Kaeli or Seveya but to have time to think and to do and to live something other than so much desolation. There has to be good things in life to look forward to.

Kaeli said something that struck me. She usually does but I don't fight hearing it as much any more. She said we knew that it is the women that need to come together to help the Tribe get past this tragedy? I was learning this and I mentioned that it was the strength of the women .. our determination ... our compassion and love that holds it together every day. She said just don't let the men know that .. they think it is them.

Oh damn, I swallowed hard on that one. I asked her if she could one day teach me more about that but I didn't need her to answer. Life was going to teach me that any way wasn't it because the seed had been planted.

There is a time for everything under the Sky.