Impressions

I came across Tarra the next day working on something for Seveya's ceremony and we fell into an enjoyable conversation. I asked if the calves had been finished being branded and I asked about Yamak too. I told her how impressed I had been with the woman's skills at leaving marks that it took me longer. My elder said it was my first also but time would work its magic. It made me feel a lot better. The leather worker showed up about the same time and Tarra asked her how she was feeling. It was good to see her up and moving. Would I have been if I had been kicked in the ribs by a bosk? Yamak said she was sore but she still had her eyes. I think that made Tarra and I both blink and says whuu?? at the same time. Tarra doesn't mince words or thoughts, she just says what is on her mind. I admire that in a way. It isn't me, not that direct anyway but it suits her well. She just jumped right in there with the question that was going through my head too. Now, why would she say have lost her eyes? It was a prospect joke. Thank bosk there. The Haruspex said she hadn't really taken any in a long time. Okay, grease Mezoo's wagon wheel and give it a push to see how it rolls, I wanted to know what the witch did with them. Stoke up the conspiracy theory with a nod of two Haruspex and mysterious non smiling smiles between us she said she kept them in a jar on the shelf. Yamak didn't bite quite as well as hoped. Oh well.

The two women fell into a conversation of their own of things Yamak had accomplished, projects, missions, maybe a few life experiences, etc. It was her moment there so I studied the fires the way I usually do. The thing about eyes was a source of curiosity so she brought it up again and Tarra confided that she had once been mated to a Mamba, a cannibal. That didn't strike me so odd. If you have ever been even close to Aunt's wagons you would understand. The leather worker asked about the jungles so the Haruspex began to explain that Mamba had taught her the meaning of love when she had no faith in it. Ask me, he sounded much like a man of the Tribe. Now the leather worker had a hundred questions about the places Tarra had been while I sat back quietly listening and learning. Yes, Tarra had visited other places but felt there was no more beautiful place than the plains. Here was where her heart felt pulled. She said nothing compared. The other young woman she didn't think she would be happy anywhere else and Tarra gave that validation by telling us that she was never truly happy until she was able to return. These were the same passioned beliefs I grew up with, that I have always heard from my family, from those around our wagons. I finally told them I had never been anywhere but here, that I had heard of places I would probably never go.

It was a surprise in a way to hear Tarra say she was thankful for the things she had seen, learned and even some of the things she had experienced. The touch of smile conveyed as much as what could be heard inside her there. The pain of being torn from the plains was not something she wished to repeat. My heart went out to her at that moment. I could respect her feelings and her decision. In turn she reached out to touch mine as she explained how they ... those that did not live here had tried to teach her to be like them. She said she had failed. I have never known her to admit failure before and if this was something she could not do as strong a woman as she is. I have no hope that I would be able to rise to the occasion. I did not want to was the bottom line. Through it all I listened as she spoke. Tarra said the sad thing was when you are different and they do not understand, they can be very cruel. NO, not all of "them" but still ... There is good and bad everywhere. I loved the smile I saw there on her face. I could feel it run deep inside me, warm, exhilarating and yet calm at the same time.

What did she say? She said here was where she was destined to be. It was part of her. That seemed to stand on its own as if it had no weight to drag it down. It held.

I wanted to ask, I needed to ask and I did .. Those ... not here ... would they expect a Tuchuk ... NOT to be who and what they were by our own nature? Yamak mentioned merchants about that time and we all nodded and, shuddered and you could see the urge in all of us to spit three times to ward off the evil there. Tarra filled in a lot of the blanks there when she said dwellers had bizarre ways and idea. They tended to be fixated on material things. They lacked the fresh air like we had here, their enclosures did not afford them the exercise we have of stretching out to the canyons and up toward the sky. I thought they sounded fat and lazy and they probably ate all kinds of strange things too. Well if you ask me it sounded like they were,everyone I had ever talked to said the same things. Now back to merchants .. Tarra said she wouldn't trust one any further than she could throw one. Wager time! I figured we could get distance with the skinny ones and bounce-ability out of the fat ones. It was agreed, next caravan we would play winner gets the eyes. The bones could be useful and I said leave the jewels right where they were. That made Tarra all curious. Curiosity makes her all soft and vulnerable in appearance. It is very becoming on her. I touched briefly on remembering a merchant when I was young. Not a nice man. He was all bony with these long narrow fingers and a huge jewel encrusted ring that pointed at me. I could see using the tapered nail on that finger as a back scratcher or maybe give it to Asria to paint with.

Yamak asked about a woman that came to the stream, one that said she was tribe, family of the first fires. She was supposed to be some connection to Tehran or maybe it was Tayran. It was agreed among us all that if she left the plains she would have to earn her way back. Yamk said the woman was arrogant. Now there is a difference in arrogances. One holds the pride of being part of the Tribe, holding our ways sacred and the other one is for oneself. I would form my own opinion when the time came. There is still strength in knowing what others had seen or felt wasn't there? The leather worker said she would be very upset if the woman didn't have to work or earn her way. I couldn't say much. I haven't been accepted myself among the first fires. That sparked her concern and the offerings of encouragement not to give up. I had to chuckle to myself. It was not a matter of whether I thought I was going to or not ... my time had not come. Tarra said my way was challenged so that I could not only find myself but show the Tribe I was strong enough to survive. There was that tiny bit of something touching there in her smile when she corrected me .. my time had not yet come.

There are wisdoms we can find in each other and especially of the elders and we can choose to grasp hold of it if we wish. She said the day we stop learning is the day we ride the sky. We are always learnin, changing, finding ourselves. It is a constant ongoing thing for each of us and for all of us as a whole. Just because we get older, doesn't mean we know everything of ourselves. There is always a new stage in our lives to go through and embrace. She is a wise woman.

I sat back with the importance of those words while the other two made plans for Seveya's ringing. Perhaps I should have jumped in the mix of it all but the morning had made a vast impression on me and I just needed to absorb it all.