Why is this so important? Speak IIII

"When I was a child (unknowing) I spoke as a child I understood (incompletely) as a child I thought as a child (inexperienced); but when I became a man I put away childish things."

There was a comfort sitting there in front of Mother while she brushed her fingers back from my temple through my hair. The repetive motion to smooth the strays wisps into a braid was like a meditation that helped give peace to words that held far too much passion behind them. It was of a touchy conversation that I was still intense about even now.

The aftermath of a paga night had made more than a few in a fuzz or testy and not just the ones that imbibed. Tarra left the fires because she had been talking about still being shapely at her age and no one agreed or disagreed with her. Asria didn't seem to be able to catch up with who had been naked and what new law had been passed about elders running around being naked. Fonce wasn't sure who he might have offended and if so how many. Truth was I was a bit lost on all those myself. They were way out of my comfort zone anyway.

The pieces that stood out more clearly was Imke mimicing Oggie, Lei feeling better enough to visit and the soft color of pink to her cheeks and the latter part of a conversation between Kaeli, the sleen handler and I. More so between Kae and me.

Mother has a sort of quiet patience and knows all the right things to say at the right time to pull the conversations along when I get all wrapped up in side my emotions. I love her for that.

Anyway Asria had been talking to Fonce about feelings and needed to talk about it. They wandered off somewhere, which left me there talking to Oggie. I was picking on him about being accepted to the first fires and he shot back wasn't I in the same saddle .. waiting to prove myself? I got all excited telling him I had finished the task the Ubar wanted, not the Ubar we have now but the Ubar we had then. I wasn't sure if the Ubar we had now wanted to see it or if he would understand it since he wasn't the one that asked. He wanted to know what it was, Oggie that is and he seemed to be genuinely interested. I was telling him that it had been a rather specific request with lots of details and that it had seemed to take forever to figure out. He still wanted to see it.

Kaeli said hers was a feather, the thing Ba'atar had asked for. I asked the sleen handler why he wanted to see it and he said because it seemed important. I began telling them what Ba'atar had asked, that he wanted something to show the past, the present and the future. Something soft but stil strong. Kaeli started offering suggestions like I hadn't worked hard for hands and hands on it already. She said maybe yearkeeper beads or a hide that had the years marked on it. I resisted scratching my head and saying huh? Oggie was asking if I was going to give it to Ayg now. I didn't know yet but I would if he wanted me to and he said he hoped he could be there too. Why, I wanted to know again? Because it seemed very important, was his answer. well, it was very very important to me. Why? Asria had returned but was leaving to take Lei back to the wagon to rest but she offered to give me some beads if I needed them to finish my task.

I was still trying to answer the first question, part of why it was important was that there had not been a haruspex accepted among the first fires in a very long time. Would they see that there was a lot more pressure there because of that? There were many reason it was important but before I finished answering that I delved a little further into what was expected of this task, that it must contain the wind, the rain, the grass and the bosk ... all of our world and still be small enough to be held in one hand. I had many ideas but that none had seemed to fit every part of what the Ubar had asked. I would have to decide what was closest or decide what was not and then it had come to me .. the answer. I told them I just had to make it visable for everyone else to see. Kaeli said it wasn't against any rules to show them so I had hurried back to the wagon and returned with my little parcel. SHe told me that maybe Ayg would give me a different task since he was the Ubar now. I only hope my shoulders didn't fall thinking about having to do this all over again.

There were two eggs inside the leather to show them, one colored the hues of every clan, the other just as it had come into the world with traces of green, brown and red still clinging to its shell. I knew the request by memory now ...
have all the use in the world and yet it seems to be for the one who looks upon it but the weight of its meaning to be held by the shoulders of all the Tribe. I was telling them what they saw was not what I was brining, it was only how I believed I could make it visible. The sleen handler was all up there and right on the same thought wave. He said .. tell me. It was a decision, I let them know ... a choice. All we decide affects not only we ourselves but the Tribe as a whole. Our past influences the present, the present influences the future in every choice we make of life. Those before us. Those after us. The wind, the rain, the grass and most important the bosk are why we make every decision. Kaeli was convinced the right answer was dirt and began to explain that. She asked when a warrior meets another warrior what did they hold in their hands. I said earth and grass but it begins with a decision of trust, a choice that they will make such an oath to the other. SHe told me very quickly there was no oath a man offers another dirt. She continued to explain that Ba'atar was not a man of abstracts. He would not understand the concept I was presenting. He would want something that fit every aspect of his requirements.. Dirt.

It was not meant as an argument when I ventured further that the holding of grass and dirt is a vow among warrior, oe of peace and lance and quiva to each other not just a way to say tal. I was grateful when Oggie told me quietly that he felt I had the answer, he said I had touched him. That meant a lot to me but I was listening as the healer expounded on her beliefs. She was telling me that men do not think with emotions the way women do or not on the same level. She said that Ayguili would not see the objects I held as the answer either. It went further that it could not hold any part of my being a woman nor a haruspex when I brought te product of my task to either of them. I so wanted to bow up on that and say there was no way I could not. I am a woman and could prove it. I am a Haruspex even if one that is still learning, these were as much part of me as my eyes, my hands and the thought processes that make my decisions. I held all that to myself.

She asked me a different question then. She asked what I had to offer that was important enough for the Tribe to accept me? Was I not already part of this Tribe by birth, by blood, by way of life in every aspect except where my wagon was parked? I told her I offered heart and thought and a willingness to reach out to any who have need. That was the wrong answer. She said the answer was life. Did I not just say that? She said I needed to be willing to offer my life. I just did. She said I must be willing to die to defend another Tuchuk.

I decided it was time to simply sit and listen. If, that I would be willing to lay my life down for my tribe without thought for one or for all was not so important as it being said aloud so that everyone would not take it for granted, then there was little use in telling her that I felt it was eually if not more important that we are willing to live each day for Tribe, for fellow Tuchuk. She scooped up a handful of dirt and wove the tale of everything that it held. Ba'atar and Ayguili were men, they were only going to ask for somehing obvious to them. So my answer was supposed to conform to how others think and feel? Yes, not clan, not being a woman, it must be only something obvious they could grasp.

I told her I understood what she was saying. I did, but I held to my beliefs. I did not think I could do that, to leave what I think and feel inside of my thoughts and beliefs to conform to what someone else wanted to hear or even wanted me to believe. She said I would have to if I was going to make it in this Tribe. It wasn't all that heartening to realize what I was going to say to either Ubar was that I had made a decision.

Mother had listened to it all then touched her lips to my hair that said she was all done and she loved me and she was proud of me all rolled into one. I swallowed hard and gave her a smile that meant I wanted to still be her little girl but it was time to stand and be a woman.

I was about to go and speak to a man about many things and my beliefs would be there with me. Should he chose not to accept me among his fires for holding firm to them, for believing that there is more than one answer for our Tribe or decided that he had no wish to speak with me further then it would all still be well. I would not change them for him or anyone else.