This moment

El sentimiento de que no soy yo
de que hay algo más cuando tu me miras
la sensación de que no existe el tiempo
cuando están tus manos sobre mis mejillas
como me llenas como me liberas
quiero estar contigo si vuelvo a nacer
Le pido a Dios que me alcance la vida
y me de tiempo para regresar
aunque sea tan solo un poco
de lo mucho que me das
le pido a Dios que me alcance la vida
para decirte todo lo que siento gracias a tu amor

I wasn't quite myself yet but I would not allow that to deter me from returning to the fires. A woman had been taken from the harigga but there were not many details. Understandably, there was concern for the women of the camp's safety. We were given strict instructions of where we could go and admonished not to stray farther than the stream and the last of the wagons.

As the tensions began to die down Fonce called Ayguili away from the fires to talk. People come and go often and warriors are always in close communication among themselves but this seemed different. I had to chuckle a little watching Seveya when a hush fell over the fires. Wouldn't you like to be an urt under the wagon where they were going? Um no was my answer. Probably I would but still ... um no was my answer. Could have been good chance for a wager there.

Cana got up to make herself a mug of blackwine so I asked if there were any more left. She knew I didn't drink the stuff and it got to her curiosity. No, I was going to make sure there was some still fresh ad hot when the men got back. 'Ahh, I see. You'll have to make another one then.' If her words didn't say it all then that little smile of hers did. I was all nonchalant while I got up and made sure there was another kettle ... fresh and hot like I did not even see that look she was giving me or that savvy cute grin either. Until .... 'So, Mezoo, I hear you have been spending some time with the Ubar, getting to know him.' I burned my fingertips on the side of the kettle when I jerked my head up. hmmm?

Be cool Mezoo, act casual. Oh, we have talked a little. It ended up she and I talked a little about what kind of man he was and some of his ideas. I told her, he doesn't like verr. That was strike one. But, He had survived a day with Grandmother. That conveyed both courage and endurance. Not the full details though. He was becoming a good friend, one I cold talk with just about everything with and I liked the warrior and was even pretty sure I liked liked him but I was not so sure I could live with the things he had told me. To like him as the man I saw of his past. Leave it to Cana to be the one that noticed not all was right.

You cannot reach into the fires of the abyss and come away unscathed. How could I tell her this? I managed a generalization of everything in what I did confide. There was too much of this whole new world that I was meeting. So many changes in so short a time. She could sympathize to a degree. She said it was as if the world was off kilter, speeded up and I couldn’t quite catch up with it. That was close enough to the truth to give us a common ground to talk. In a way, I wished things could go more slowly but all things come in their own time ... right? I asked how she managed to keep up. She said when she was younger that she wanted everything all at one time, nothing moved fast enough but now she savored each moment. I didn’t want everything at once. There wasn't any way to enjoy the good moments before needing to take care of another moment when things go so fast. Maybe that surprised her.

We talked of the hide that Tarra had sent for Seveya's ringing ceremony. That was so different from what Cana or I had experienced. Nice, mind you but very different. I made plans with myself to spend the next day at my own wagons. Not clan, not first fires ... just quiet and let my hands be free to work on it. It was important to me.
Ayguili returned to the fires chuckling to himself. Well that eased our minds a little if not stroking our curiosity a good bit. I offered him that fresh kettle of blackwine and he was all too ready for it by then. His first words were that I looked better than I did the night before but in a nice way that made me smile. I lied. I told him I was fine, healthy as a bosk. Dang it Cana stood up, stretched and said it was late, she was tired and she was going to retire to her wagons. She lied too.

He went straight to the point. He had been worried. That was truth because I had seen it in his eyes even if I could not have felt it deep inside. He said he had been scared. That is not an easy thing for a warrior to admit. I don't mince words, you know that straightforward kind of girl that raises a brow and sometimes singes your hide. The conversation was pretty much like we were talking of branding or having watched the ironworkers. Facts … just the facts ma'am. I hadn't had the chance to tell him that I had never held a connection that long and there was no time like that moment. He shot right back with what was on both our minds. Was that going to happen every time we held hands? I dug down in the basket I had been carrying around all day for the fruit pastries Grandmother made me make. I sounded very confident when I told him not every time, just when there is something buried so deep. Truthfully, I had no idea but there is a major difference between knowing and hoping. I handed him my hopes. He sat closer to ask me if I had taken the breath and I assured him that I hadn't. It was part of the winds where it belonged. It was not meant for me and as I had told him the night before ... it had not been his.
It was all gone, all of the pain that he had held onto for so many years. He said he felt new.

There was that one moment that I could latch onto and hold tight. Tell me, tell me now of this ... new. It was a demand, a plea and a quiet cry inside all at the same time. I listened with a growing smile as he spoke of being at peace, of no longer walking between worlds. The world of the past and the world of the present. I'd been so careful not to touch anyone especially him through out the day but now the first part of my fingers slid between his.

I had to tell him that my future as a Haruspex would be to walk between worlds to go there on my own with a will to return. I would bring back knowledges of all that I saw and felt there. As much as he needed me to know the past, I needed him to understand the future. His words soothed places that had held worry and concern for me. As I learned these things, as I did these things... he would be here waiting for me. My studies would come first. I had been adamant from the beginning and much like so many of my other beliefs and ideals; I stood strong on the subject. I would need to learn to be better able to withstand ... It would be easier to return knowing that there was someone waiting for me.

Sometimes being close to him seems like the plains spin very fast and it leaves me a little breathless and dizzy. Look at what just holding his hand had been like. I guess he surprised me when he told me it was like that for him too and that everything else just seemed to fade away. He made no promise that was ever going to stop. He wasn't going to rush me and I was thankful for that promise. I wanted, needed him to understand that I knew he held a position much too important for everyone else to fade away. I would be there when they were all sated and pleased to turn him loose.

While we talked about Grandmother making me make him fruit pastries, I checked n the old lumps my family had given him and the new ones too. The last one he got for calling verr stupid. Verr are not stupid and I sat back wanting to add another new one there. He grunted that they were not bosk. Well of course not. Verr are not bosk. Bosk aren't verr either but there were lessons the verr could teach that the bosk do not. He wanted to know what those were. He was going to have to ask the verr but I promised to take him through the herds one day and he would see. He said the verr hadn't started speaking to him yet. Well of course they hadn't, they had Grandmother do that.

Speaking of the little woman, he thought it best to get me back to my wagon before it got late. His head was hard but not hard enough to withstand my being late two nights in a row.

We walked through the lanes hand in hand with our arms swinging to some tune neither of us were humming out loud. It was just a really nice moment.